A prisoner in my Own Flesh

Its yet another Friday and am done with classes for the week, as I take off my shoes and let my hair down I’ve got just one thing on my mind after a long stressful day of juggling 4 classes…vodka and ice. It may not be the best way to relax the brain after a 95 minutes calculus class, but it works perfectly for me. Problem is I have no control once I start drinking, and many a times it gets a little crazy…and I mean uncontrollably crazy. My sad addiction started as a once in a while thing, and at first I did not see anything wrong with ‘cooling off’, in fact I actually thought I needed it, till it became a daily thing, and I kept telling myself I could control it. Suddenly the alcohol is controlling me and for a good four years and counting, I just can’t help but give my flesh what it wants.
I have become a prisoner in my own flesh because I cannot abstain from what I know is gradually killing me inside, each day I use my own hands to destroy my very own body being fully aware of the consequences I bring upon myself, but what can I do?. Thing is, each time I drink it feels different and better than the last time, I feel renewed and alive like it’s the best feeling ever, and then I get drunk and misbehave, messed up and sober then the feelings change to regret and pain. I tell myself that am done with making myself miserable, destroying my kidney, hurting those who care for me and ‘falling my hand’ in public, that it’s going to be the last time and never again…but it is only a short while before am back to first base.
Looks crazy right, like what the hell is wrong with me? You would think that at 21 am old enough to know what is right and wrong for me. But who cares? It’s my life, am living it and I can do just as I please with it, after all no one is perfect and we will all get judged someday, right now am about whatever, I really couldn’t care any less because I feel drawn too deep into the alcohol to let go now, but… tbc….